Someone will pay...

I have attended a few funerals but the one on 23 March was really heart-wrenching. It was the way she died... Just a week from her 40th birthday too. Her colleagues were planning a big party to celebrate.

One day, I heard a relative had been missing for 5 days. The next day, police had already found her body in Malacca, floating in the swamp. It happened so fast. 36 hours had passed and the body had already started to decompose then, so the forensic test results were off. She was 39, the test claimed 29. Nevertheless, the thumb print showed a 70% match. They are still waiting for the results of the dna test. However, her parents were worried that it was really their daughter so they decided to accept it and perform the funeral. Waiting further would torture the body. It was the weekend so they had to wait till Monday to claim the decease.

I dropped by at her parents' house for a short while. Family members, including many the from neighbouring country, gathered. Finally, at 5pm, the van arrived from Malacca and we adjourned to the mosque in Cheras for prayers. I couldn't imagine how the decease's parents felt. Even the guests were a bit confused, was it really her? And how did we move from 'not sure' to 'accepting that it was really her' within hours? Or are we performing this regardless of whether it was her but we are still hoping that she was alive out there somewhere?

Amazingly, her parents were extremely calm. One of her brothers is a tabliq member and he was so in charge that at first I thought he was the mosque's staff. Her twin brother who lived abroad flew back and started hitting the walls, screaming and all, he was still in shock. Her only sister really broke down, it was hard to digest. Even aunties, cousins, colleagues and friends couldn't stop crying from the mosque to the graveyard. (Muslims are discouraged from crying at funerals). And guest what, the decease's mother coolly consoled them, her smile remained.

At the graveyard, the victim's father slowly supervised the carrying and positioning of the coffin. It was tricky, the lot was right at a steep and uneven hillside, with trees blocking their ways. It was also 2 lots away from the decease's late grandfather's grave. It was in the 80s. He had just arrived from Jakarta. The taxi from the airport got involved in an accident and he was killed on the spot.

Family members gathered very close by. I could see everything clearly, I could still smell the freshly dug earth. They placed the coffin on the ground while waiting for the Imam to come up. The Imam asked 3 people to go into the hole to receive the body. The deceased brother, my youngest brother and a grave digger volunteered. They placed the body into the hole. The Iman asked them to make sure that the head faced Kiblat. They pressed earth into balls and used that to lock the body's position. After making sure that the body is tightly placed, they put a piece of plywood on top of it. All the men took turn to use two spades to pour earth on top of the plywood until the hole was filled.

The decease's non-Muslims colleagues observed from afar. After the burial, they carried the empty coffin back to the van. Even then, it was tricky going around the trees and uneven land. The decease's father asked her mother and sister to shorten their prayers and proceed to thank the guests. He even held a short speech to show his appreciation.

It was an unforgettable occasion. The decease's boss said she called a week ago to say that she fell down and strained her hand. Therefore, she couldn't go to work that night and asked for masseurs suggestion. Her boss advised her to go to the clinic and take MC instead. But she never called back. Night shifts were her favourite since she was an insomniac. Experts and layman all thought the same thing - the killer was someone she knew. It wasn't a matter of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I didn't know her well, had only met her a few times. People spoke highly of her. That she put others before herself and were always doing things for others. She was also a star employee, her wall at home didn't have enough space to put her awards. When I first heard the news, it struck me how similar we were and that it could have been me. She didn't drive and took LRT and monorail to work. She also lived alone. Up to a few days after the funeral, I was shivering-ly scared. I often slept late and left a few lights on outside. I even came close to asking my brother and sister in law to move back. Mr Designer sent me home a few times, and I think after that, the fear just faded away.

Al-fatihah for arwah.

Connected Family

A few weekends ago, my 14 year-old close relative showed me her blog. Her entries reflect that she's intelectually advanced for her age. And she uses perfect English, mind you. I was surprised by the old-fashioned blog theme that she chose though.

Did I tell her about my blog? Absolutely, not! I'm a coward who hides behind anonymous pages. LOL! LOL! LOL! In fact, I'd rather maintain my anonymity, I didn't even join the group gathering held for Blogger Simah when she was in town a few months back. But somehow, when Kak Elle invited me to join the gathering when she was here recently, I agreed. Though at first I thought it was just Ummi (whom I'd been dying to meet). It turned out that there were others but I went like 'what the heck'. I've set too many rules for myself. The moment I broke one of it off recently, it brought wonders. So, why not break one more?;)

Anyway, back to my teenage relative, her sister and her sell t-shirts online. When people order, they agree to meet somewhere and insist on cash before handing the goods. I asked her how do they know the buyer is not a serial murderer or anything. Well, I learned my lesson the hard way.

Interestingly, after that she opened her 16 year-old sister's blog (in boarding school), her 20 year old brother's blog (studying abroad) and lastly, her 21 year old sister's blog (also studying abroad). Wow! They all used their real names and their parents knew about it as well. Their folks even commented or sent them emails to advise or clarify. That's pretty open, very daring:)

I was also a bit shock with her older sister's entries. I guess we have always knowns them as a family of expressive over-achievers, who excel at school and are all-rounders too. So, reading how she suffered during her lessons, got punished on her assignments, vomitted while studying for exams, etc - well, it kind of threw me off. It is probably because she is at a very difficult age, but she sounded troubled though. At least hers resembles a teenager's blog, from the dark modern design to the disjuntled flow of thoughts and short-form words.

Having said that, the depth and maturity of the eldest sister's entries and thoughts are also something. It's not just her ease with the language, it is also the level of thinking. And she actually sounds content. I don't remember being that mature at 21, or even 31, for that matter. LOL!

Lastly, on their only brother... he seems like a sensitive dude. He has plenty of boys' stuff on his blog, but he's not afraid to share his feelings and values openly. And I know he was conciously brought up to be a man, macho and all.

Wow! I learned more about my 4 young relatives from a week of reading their blogs than I had in a lifetime. Oh, their father has his own blog too. The power of technology:)

p/s: Above is a photo of my favourite internet cafe in Bangkok, I really felt at home there. It's mostly frequented by expats though.

Sweet 36

Tonight's the night I've waited for
Because you're not a baby anymore

You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen

Happy birthday sweet sixteen

What happened to that funny face

My little tomboy now wears satin and lace

I can't believe my eyes you're just a teenage dream

Happy birthday sweet sixteen

When you were only six I was your big brother

Then when you were ten we didn't like each other

When you were thirteen you were my funny valentine

But since you've grown up your future is sewn up

From now on you're gonna be mine, so

If I should smile with sweet surprise

It's just that you've grown up before my very eyes

You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen

Happy birthday sweet sixteen

Singer: Neil Diamond

Song: Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen

I remember my 16th birthday in 1988. My classmates and I had a delayed celebration at my house. My parents chartered a bus to take us from our dormitory and arranged for hotel rooms for the boys. The girls stayed at my house. We had barbeque in the spacious backyard. Someone played the guitar and we sang and enjoyed all sorts of games. That was a day in memory. It might now sound much, especially to the teenagers of today, but we came from a strict boarding school. Boys and girls mixing freely (even under my parents' supervision) already equaled total freedom. When the weekend was over, we felt like the world had come to an end.

How simple life was then...

And now 20 years later... I wish everything is still that simple... where do I even begin...

I have not set any long-term goals for a while now. Those days, even back in school, I used to have at least a 1-year target, to be achieved my next birthday. Having said that, tonight I would like to define 3 long-term goals. Insyaallah, in 3 years' time by my 39th birthday, I hope to...

1) Set foot on the holy land again

2) Earn a 5-figure salary

3) Publish my 2nd short story collection and my 1st novel

I had an early celebration with my ex-roommate from boarding school just now. We had a nice 4-course Northern Indian dinner at the Taj and chatted for hours. We had not seen each other since our school's 25th anniversary in July. She had to rush home from Penang to cater to her sick mother and her housing project launch the next day. Yeah, she got both feet firm on the ground. She had had all sorts of relationships with all sorts of men. Hence, I value her advice and insights a lot.

July also meant that we had not talked about the new guy in my life. She said ' Be careful, but don't be paranoid' and 'take some time to get to know him, but don't take too long.' To my surprise, she felt strongly against it. She said something is very wrong, he's not worth it and I deserve someone better. She asked me to go and look for that someone, instead of wasting time and energy on him. It's time to detach myself from the situation and get a bird-eye view.

Wow! I surely didn't see that coming and my immediate response was to not agree with her. Nevertheless, an hour later and after 1 round of Istiqarah prayer, I'd say 'okay, point taken and will be considered'. I think the phone call that she made and another one that I made just now pretty much sum it all. It's not only the shocking discoveries, but more so the motive that triggered them in the first place.

Ehmm... this might not be as tough as it was with Ad, I cried every night for 1 year after it all ended abruptly. However, it's not going to be as easy as The Kebaya Man either, I could still make decisions and take actions with my head then. I don't have a plan yet, I don't know what I want to do or what I want to believe. And I don't even know when my cut-off period is. It's going to need a few more rounds of Istiqarah before I even have a clue.

Well, if the combination of Ad and my ex-boss had killed my passion for my job and career completely, Mr Designer has brought it back. Either way our potential relationship goes, this encounter will not go to waste, he's definitely bringing me closer to my 2nd goal at least:)

Apa-apa pun, jodoh itu rahsia Tuhan (Union is God's secret). Okay, enough deep thoughts for now, it's time to chill. I have a 4.5 hour spa appointment in the morning:D

Cheery Monday

I got like less than 5 hours of sleep last night. Yeah, that is a significant progress from Friday, except that today is only the first day of the week. LOL!


That is also because Mr Designer was so busy last night. We planned to meet for buka puasa but he only made it at around 11.30pm. We both were hungry, so we went to the 24-hour A&W outlet in PJ. I have never seen him that tired before, watery eyes and all. At 1.00am, he'd already dropped me off at my condo and was going back to the studio to work. The interesting thing is that I don't suffer from my usual Monday blues this morning. Boleh buat selalu ni, LOL!


Coming back to Friday, I was lucky I didn't have to stay for buka puasa during the outstation event. The donations were presented outdoor in the afternoon, no fan whatsoever. It was really warm. Combine that with the lack of sleep. My eyes felt like they were about to pop out.


We left the place at 5pm and I arrived home 5 minutes before buka puasa. My parents were around and the norm is that we break fast with Kuih and Kanji (porridge) first. Rice or the main meal is normally eaten only later. After Isyak prayer, I decided to take a nap before shower. Guess what? When I woke up, it was already 3am. Yeah, I slept for 6 hours straight. My parents were occupied with the grandchildren and all, I doubt that anybody noticed that I hadn't had dinner, hehe...


So, I got up at 3.00am and decided to perform a late Terawih and Istiqarah. After that, I had a bit of time to do my writing before my mother woke up for Sahur, followed by others. I thought of continuing my writing after Subuh prayers. No such luck, my eyes felt heavy and I slept for another 4 hours. Man!:)