It's All Coming Back to Me

'hi hazia,
found your blog today from someone's link. read bits of ur story on Ad. i hv a similar tale lol. only i think this guy, T, is real. for some unknown reasons, he simply disappeared after writing me his last email saying he wldnt be contacting me again but didnt offer any explanation. like u, i hv never met him. he never called me either. tho i hv his mobile #, we only txted, or talked on ym and exchanged emails.

and oh, i knew this guy for slightly over 6 months, and he left me 6 days ago. i am still not over him, apparently. dont know if i ever will. i have no work today, and the whole day i have been reading ppl's blog (that was how i found urs) and crying my eyes out. it didnt seem this bad the past few days, probably because i was busy and didnt hv much time to think abt it. sorry if this email is intrusive, and i wasnt supposed to write u.' - A

The above email came in my inbox last night. It is from a total stranger, I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this here. In between running around all day, somehow I managed to reply immediately.

'Hi A,
Wow! Not intrusive at all, I'm glad that you wrote. After 1.5 years, I can talk about him with a clear head. Though I have to admit that I cried every single night for 12 months after he 'fell into a coma'. I fell in love with perfection, he was the epitome of the perfect man. The 7 months that I knew him was wonderful, but the 2 weeks that followed were the worst I've experienced.

And I did meet him once as his best friend.

The guy I've just started seeing more than 2 months ago is far from perfect.

All I can say is hang on in there... it'll take a while to heal. It changed me a lot, I became doubtful of men, even the one I'm with now. But I learned a lot from Ad too, and I really mean a lot. Do continue to read every entry if it doesn't bore you - there are more than 200 entries on Ad alone, my record.

I believe that time heals all pain, paths cross for a reason, no encounter goes to waste.

Do write and share some more, if you wish. I'm willing to listen and share. If it helps, call him from a public phone and find out his real name. Anything that helps you move on.

Sincerely
Hazia'

After signing off and browsing through 'Season of Green' on my old blog, memories came gushing back to me. The trauma of receiving those 2 deadly phone calls - 1 to inform me that Ad had just become semi-paralysed from stroke and 1 more a few hours later to say that he had fallen into a coma.

I prayed I won't have to go through something like that again. Somehow, in the midst of a heaty work-related argument with Mr Designer just now, I suddenly had a worry-attack. I told him I was concerned with his health, given his hectic schedule. 1 thing in particular scared me, and he guessed immediately what it was, yeah, STROKE!

This guy smokes a lot, does not sleep regularly and works round the clock, very high risk actually. I repeated the story of Ad to him, he knew, just not in detail. He told me not to believe in all those nonsense. He assured me repeatedly that he was okay and he knew himself; he goes to the gym regularly and he started exercising from a young age.

For all the doubts that I had about continuing this relationship... I know one thing for sure. Right now, I can't bear to lose him. Yeah, even with all his imperfections...