Friday, November 7, 2008

It's All Coming Back to Me

'hi hazia,
found your blog today from someone's link. read bits of ur story on Ad. i hv a similar tale lol. only i think this guy, T, is real. for some unknown reasons, he simply disappeared after writing me his last email saying he wldnt be contacting me again but didnt offer any explanation. like u, i hv never met him. he never called me either. tho i hv his mobile #, we only txted, or talked on ym and exchanged emails.

and oh, i knew this guy for slightly over 6 months, and he left me 6 days ago. i am still not over him, apparently. dont know if i ever will. i have no work today, and the whole day i have been reading ppl's blog (that was how i found urs) and crying my eyes out. it didnt seem this bad the past few days, probably because i was busy and didnt hv much time to think abt it. sorry if this email is intrusive, and i wasnt supposed to write u.' - A

The above email came in my inbox last night. It is from a total stranger, I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this here. In between running around all day, somehow I managed to reply immediately.

'Hi A,
Wow! Not intrusive at all, I'm glad that you wrote. After 1.5 years, I can talk about him with a clear head. Though I have to admit that I cried every single night for 12 months after he 'fell into a coma'. I fell in love with perfection, he was the epitome of the perfect man. The 7 months that I knew him was wonderful, but the 2 weeks that followed were the worst I've experienced.

And I did meet him once as his best friend.

The guy I've just started seeing more than 2 months ago is far from perfect.

All I can say is hang on in there... it'll take a while to heal. It changed me a lot, I became doubtful of men, even the one I'm with now. But I learned a lot from Ad too, and I really mean a lot. Do continue to read every entry if it doesn't bore you - there are more than 200 entries on Ad alone, my record.

I believe that time heals all pain, paths cross for a reason, no encounter goes to waste.

Do write and share some more, if you wish. I'm willing to listen and share. If it helps, call him from a public phone and find out his real name. Anything that helps you move on.


After signing off and browsing through 'Season of Green' on my old blog, memories came gushing back to me. The trauma of receiving those 2 deadly phone calls - 1 to inform me that Ad had just become semi-paralysed from stroke and 1 more a few hours later to say that he had fallen into a coma.

I prayed I won't have to go through something like that again. Somehow, in the midst of a heaty work-related argument with Mr Designer just now, I suddenly had a worry-attack. I told him I was concerned with his health, given his hectic schedule. 1 thing in particular scared me, and he guessed immediately what it was, yeah, STROKE!

This guy smokes a lot, does not sleep regularly and works round the clock, very high risk actually. I repeated the story of Ad to him, he knew, just not in detail. He told me not to believe in all those nonsense. He assured me repeatedly that he was okay and he knew himself; he goes to the gym regularly and he started exercising from a young age.

For all the doubts that I had about continuing this relationship... I know one thing for sure. Right now, I can't bear to lose him. Yeah, even with all his imperfections...


Kak Teh said...

hazia, sometimes it takes just something to trigger off a memory and open the floodgates.
take care.

Ms B said...

Somehow, people tend to connect when they read one's posting. Perhaps that was why A felt the need to email u.

We dont get to choose who we fall in love with.

U keep well hazia.

U.Lee said...

Hi Hazia,
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.

Don't cry because its over, but smile because it happened....and no smile is as beautiful as those that pass thru tears.
You have a great weekend, best regards, Lee.

The Ceramic Designer said...

ur posting really got me hooked in knowing the full real stories about Ad! i'm a 1st time reader to ur blog and spent the whole afternoon 2day checking out ur previous Ad-postings!! ;)) u write very well, and sounds very rational and practical most of the times.. take care dear..

Hazia said...

Kak Teh,
Yes, exactly. Though I think 1 1/2 years is a good time to look back - while I've moved on, it happened not too long ago & I can still remember what it felt like.

Hazia said...

Ms b,
Yes, the similarity is amazing.

'We don't get to choose who we fall in love with' - I think that's beautifully said:)

Hazia said...

That's inspiring... It is through experience that we grow, both good and bad ones:)

Hazia said...

Ceramic designer,
Thanks for the nice words, welcome and do visit again.

I have to admit that sometimes when I re-read my entries on Ad, I feel like they were written by someone else. I was 'sucked in' really deep during the whole encounter that I almost lost touch with reality.

Ummi365 said...

I started getting to you know when Ad went into coma. and since then I will try to follow you. I know, it was tough for you to let go of him.

I am also glad to read that you can talk about him with a clear mind.

Hazia dear, just like what U.Lee said, smile because it happened. And i want you to continue smiling because the good future is infront of you. It's us who create the happiness and if Mr designer is the one for you, go for it and i pray for your happiness.

Just me...Naz said...

Dear Hazia,

God will not test us more than we can shoulder.

My experience, time heals no wound. It will always be there. But in time, we learn to deal/live with it and also in time, we will accept that things happen... that that's ok... and we're ready to move on.

Hazia said...

Yes, I still remember your 1st email. You said that was the 1st time you're writing to a total stranger because you felt touched by my story. Thanks for the support ever since. I'm glad to discover that you're just as nice in person as you sound online:)

You're right, people create their own happiness. I'll pray for yours too.

Hazia said...

Thanks for dropping by. I think when we're ready to move on, it also means that we have learned and grown:)

Queen Of The House said...

Hazia, I am glad you've learned to move on after tha Ad-episode(s). I followed your postings during that time and somehow at the back of my mind I had doubts about this person. But of course, I tak cakaplah kat you, kan ....

Happy days ahead, Hazia.

Hazia said...

Tks for dropping by. Masa tu kalau you cakap pun, I doubt that I would listen.. hehe...

arsaili said... is just like a bumpy road...

maklang said...


Allah is always testing us..and may Allah bless you with all the good things in life, InsyaAllah...

Its been a few times that I peeped in here, but always failed to leave a comment.

Take care..

simah said...

it was a phrase in ur life.. alesson learned.. am glad u r doing well with this least he is real right?

u take care..sorry for such a long absence from ur blog....or blog hopping for that matter! :0)
u take care..

Hazia said...

Sometimes there's a smooth road ahead after the bump:)

Hazia said...

Mak Lang,
Thanks for dropping by. Insyaallah...
You couldn't leave comments before? Hmm... I thought that only happens with friendster.

Hazia said...

The lesson learned was worth the pain, I guess. Yeah, this one is for real, though we started off with a rollercoaster ride:)
Take care.