Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Juggling Ego


'Idealist women tend to be very romantic. They love to give and receive tokens of affection, such as an original poem, a hand carved box, or an item which reminds them of some shared experience. Men often appreciate their compassion and empathy along with their belief in others. When dating, they hope they’ll get to know each other through deep conversation...'

Like most Idealists, I used to define a great date as 'having coffee and a long intimate conversation'. I get a lot of that with Mr Designer, in fact that's all we ever do. What puzzles me more is that he is a party-lover, one who loves glittery social activities, clubbing, etc... the whole works. He used to do a lot of those, especially with his ex-fiance. In fact, sometimes I felt like what he misses most are the group they hang out with and the activities, rather than being with her. That was the key temptation for him to go back, if he had not been firm on his decision.

So, why is it that he could change totally and do something different with me? Though interestingly, during my last dinner with him 2 days ago... while staring at the raindrops through the glass wall... I found I myself wishing for something else. Yeah, we were into one of our slow, long talks after hitting the buffet... and I asked him when could we catch a movie together. He tactfully answered that we could try doing it ad-hoc, if his schedule permits. The truth is I really feel like spending some time with him without having to talk. I'm not bored, just a bit strained, I guess. I've never met a man who could sit still and listen to me for hours like that, especially one with such a hectic schedule. However, I do sense that he still has a 'barrier' in opening up, perhaps many things are just too personal, and he's not ready to let me into his world.

And sometimes, I feel like he is keeping me separate from everything and everyone else that he knows. We never hang out during decent hours at public places. He did mention the awkwardness of bumping into his ex-fiance's friends, they often hang out nearby my place. He didn't want to take me to his brother's open house. He said there would be too many people asking questions and he would have a lot to answer. His ex-wife would be present too, though I failed to see how that is relevant to me. I've never met his 2 kids either. Actually, the only person who knows both of us is his business partner. I'm not counting in a few suppliers whom he recommended to me, that is merely business.

Anyway, as a continuation from my last entry, his partner had an open talk with him after he returned from his family weekend trip in PD. He looked very re-charged; had a good time with his parents, siblings and kids swimming and barbecuing. His partner highlighted all my pointers and conveyed my dissatisfactions as a client. His partner even stressed to him that I wanted him to be successful, not just their company in general, but him specifically. I was glad that I asked his partner to talk to him, me doing it would really bruise his ego. His partner asked him to convince me on the 3 points that I had brought up before I'd even consider their company for future jobs.

So, he did during our last dinner, though very subtly at first. Fuh, his ego... I realised how hard it was for him to admit his shortcomings and apologise to me. But he did, amazingly. I assured him that I'd support him in any way that I could but reciprocally, he should support me too. He should add value and strengthen my position, not cause me my job. It went so well that he even let me help him manage his whole schedule. This includes the projects that he did with other clients and other ad-hoc partners. It might sound foolish to become his unpaid PA, but believe me, it takes a lot of stress off me, and off his partner too. Yeah, he didn't know his partner and I collaborated behind his back. He cluelessly boasted to his partner yesterday that he'd just got a new PA, a good one. LOL!

I'm surprised but how focused he is after the trip, not a single delay in delivery. And I have to say wow, his schedule... it is really pack which explains him running around like mad. Even he was shock to see it on paper. But it is do-able, and he cannot afford to slack at all. An indirect advantage is knowing his whereabouts sort of strengthen my trust. I hate to say this but right now, I trust his partner even more than I trust him. I feel like he's keeping some things away from me.

Frankly, it didn't take me long to master the online calendar and insert his tasks. The set up only took me 45 minutes. After that, it's just quick updates and juggling around here and there, calling him up daily to remind him and monitor changes in his appointments. Another advantage is it got me on track with my own schedule as I have to also slot in our company's job involving him. Gosh, the things I'd do for this guy, the length I'd go to. It surprises me!

Well, it's not much work actually, perhaps I'm over qualified for this job. LOL! Hence, imagine how insulting it was when he asked me to charge my service to their company just now. No point in showing that I care about him, hmm... his pride, I guess.

4 comments:

ku tak sempurna said...

so complex...
aku tak fikir aku dpt bertahan dgn perhubungan yg macam ini...

hrpnya perhubungan ini berbaloi...

ummi365 said...

hazia dear,

after following your stories all these months.. i would say you are a lady full of energy in maintaining a relationship.

Hazia said...

Ku...
The situation may be complex (with his 2-ex's and his business), but the relationship is not.

Rasanya tunggu 6 bulan lagi baru tahu berbaloi ke tak kot. Kalau tak lasting pun, we've learned so much from each other. Dari segi tu memang worth it la:)

Hazia said...

Ummi...
thanks for the encouragement. It's just a shift in energy I guess. My focus is no longer my career. So, yeah, in a way, maintaining this relationship is important to me:)