Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I had a tough meeting with a supplier just now, supported by Mr Designer's business partner and his expert friend. It didn't help that I went in with red eyes and he said it was noticeable. He was surprised that it was because of Mr Designer. He seemed to think that it was just part of the ups and downs of a relationship. But I beg to differ. I think this is for real. The fact that I'm writing this on my blog instead of consulting my closest friends showed that I'm still in a state of shock.

Sorry for this anti-climatic entry, folks. My Superman has just broke my heart. But before I email the letter below to him, do let me know what you think. Should I proceed? Also, I'm talking to his business partner later tonight. I really hope that all this would look different when I wake up tomorrow morning.

Dear Mr Designer,

Ouch! That hurts. It was like you've pushed me out and shut the door in my face. If reading a novel, when the plot is about to progress, one stumbles upon an abrupt ending.

I'd have to say that your words just now shocked me. This is not the first time you said you want to focus on your work and your business, but I think this time though, your message finally got through. Yeap, now I know that you meant it, and that is the only thing that you want at the time being. Before this, I thought we agreed on taking things one step at a time and see where it goes. No pressure, no commitment, nothing... We were clear that I won't demand that you change your priority.

My head tells me that I should pull out immediately... stop all communications and dealings with you... business and personal. But unfortunately, my heart tells me that that would hurt a lot, and I don't think I'd have the strength to go through that kind of pain right now. And being 'just friends' at this stage hurts equally as much.

I know that I caught you at the wrong time, you're taking a break from relationships and matters related to feelings. But God had fated that we meet now and I think he knows best. I know where you're coming from, I'm a master of focusing only on one thing at a time, and I've achieved most of my goals. You, on the other hand, are for the first time NOT living a carefree, teenage-like life.

I appreciate the fact that you didn't want to let me down. To respect your wishes... give me some time to slowly pull myself out. Initially, I thought of giving you a cooling off period for a year or so. But I don't think that's going to work. Orang dah tak nak... nak buat macam mana lagi kan... I just hope that the tears would stop soon...



U.Lee said...

Hello Hazia, some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understandings with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never ever the same again.

You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, remember what you've had, learn from your mistakes.
But never regret.
People change, things go wrong, but remember...life goes on.

Live your life with no excuses, love with no regrets and then you can one day say, 'regrets I have but too few to mention, I did it my way'.

You stay easy Hazia, and be cool, best regards, Lee.

Kak Elle said...

Dear sis let go with open heart if he's not meant for you.

This is what I always fear 4 you somehow I can foresee it thats why I commented before in your n3 no comment!

take care and hang in there.

pugly said...

Aaaaawww … sweetieeeee … *BIG HUGS* What happened? Everything was going so well.

I absolutely know how it feels – been there before. And yes, the ‘withdrawal period’ (you trying to forget/get over him) is going to hurt – a hell of A LOT. But I can you this: it will get better over time. Trust me. You just have to keep your head firmly on & stay strong in the meantime – occupy yourself with other people/things/projects, & take comfort in the company/support of your friends & your loved ones. It’s going to be one hell of a tough ride, but when you come out at the end of it – & believe me, you WILL - you’re going to be all the wiser & stronger & healthier & happier for it. I’m a living proof of that ;-)

I think the letter’s safe enough to send out, but make sure there would be no more after that – give him the space that he asked for & retain your dignity by not dwelling on it, & going on & on about it. Things happen for a reason - that’s all you need to know.

I’m always here if you need to let it all out. Feel free to email me – we can always meet up for coffee or something.

cikMilah said...

Salam Hazia,
I am yr silent reader..( since you wrote about Nett, 2 yrs back!)
How good or how bad the situation is, it will change.
It's OK to shake a little today, it's a new life tomorrow.
Take care,

Hazia said...

Yes, definitely no regrets. I believe that paths cross for a reason and no encounter goes to waste:)

Hazia said...

Kak Elle,
Wise words... but I'm not ready to give up yet:)

Hazia said...

That's really sweet and I appreciate it. One day, I'll take up the coffee offer. And do buzz me for coffee if you need an ear:)

Last night, we talked a bit before his battery konked out. I asked him why can't we just let it be and be happy. I don't want to be sad. He agreed, we're cool and life is too short to dwell on sad things.

What triggered all this? He was reluctant to celebrate my birthday with me, the no car excuse. His return cab fare to my office is RM30, and he already has financial constraint. Anyway, suddenly his new car arrived last night and he is meeting me for lunch tomorrow. And we'll celebrate my birthday a few days later. That easy? Well, I don't drive. I didn't know having a car was going to have such an effect on his decisions. Experience also showed that whenever I 'merajuk', we'll meet up more often for a while. He has a tendency to blurt out things he doesn't mean when under pressure, which I discovered recently on a work-related matter. He nearly lost $$$ over that.

Birthday is a once a year occasion - it's a major screw up. That was his first. I'll allow 2 more. I'm also giving myself some time to get to know him better. Lesson for me: never have serious discussion with him over the phone when he is staring at his laptop and rushing for deadlines:)

Hazia said...

Cik Milah,
Thanks for dropping by. 2 years? Wow, that long!

I guess I more than 'shook a little', it was a storm, LOL! It still hurts but yeah it's a brand new day:)

Ms B said...

HI Hazia,

Hang on, u get to see pugly? Alaa, jelesnyaa!! :-)

Ok, on a serious note, we've all been there. This year alone I had not only 1, but 3 men with similar signs. They are a thermostat and can change their feelings from warm to cold instantly.

But since I'm in the "happily dating" mode, it works ok for me. Just enjoy the moment while it last (and esp since they are quite a catch. *rotfl*)

U keep well k!

JHaZKiTaRo said...

a'kum. i've linked your blog in mine. :)

Hazia said...

ms b,
hehe, not meeting Pugly yet, but soon I think:)

Thermostat? That is an interesting comparison. Well, I'm sort of tired with happily dating. Either I do serious dating or nothing. Thanks, can't access your blog though

Hazia said...

Hi, thanks, have linked you too:)